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Game Quotes

Page history last edited by PBworks 12 years, 2 months ago


 

Episode 1

Link: mp080202

 

ANONYMOUS

Many mini foo foo.

 

The plank has wood.

> Is it hard wood?

 

I pimp-slap the plank.

 

Do you feel lucky, plank?

(Reference to Dirty Harry.)

 

You going to plank me, man?

 

You keep that plank away from me!

 

Say hello to my little plank!

(Reference to Scarface.)

 

NICK

You were attacked by random combat test pirates... and a plot hole sank the pirate ship.

 

Lifeboats? There aren't any lifeboats. This is "BLB" ... Before Life Boats.

 

Episode 2

Link: mp080209

 

NICK

Dude, I just rolled to become a god ... and I got a natural 20. (Pre-game roll-ups)

 

Over at the entrance where Jack's rat ... Jack's snake ... gah ... Jack's Snake, Don's Rat ... you guys and your fucking animals.

 

BARF!

(With each frog's death)

 

We are what we eat. YOU are what we eat.

 

NICK, to Don

Welcome to your first turn back among the moving!

(First turn after paralysis wears off.)

 

NICK, to Jack

You rolled a Perform "suicide?" Can you do that multiple times per day?

(Pre-game roll-ups)

 

Jack, you have a "Shiddy" feeling in your pants.

 

Alright Jack, what do you want? It's Christmas, sit on my lap.

(During EXP by Player)

 

NICK, to Brian

You and your student are shooting yourselves in the foot, there ... with your fists.

(Regarding poor attack rolls.)

 

Episode 3

Link: mp080223

 

ALL, with the exception of Brian

Bugbear porn...

I only want to watch bugbear porn ...

My only fetish is BUGBEARS!

So spread your legs and see!

 

DON

By switching to three-point-five, fifteen on an attack roll could save you 15 or more hit points from an opponent's attack.

(Regarding Gycco, Ackrak's goblin slave.)

 

SEIKIUS

The archer asked me to retrieve this staff for him.

ACKRAK

What archer?

SEIKIUS

Yes, while I was unconscious, the sun came down to me in a vision and asked me to retrieve this staff for him.

ACKRAK

The sun asked you, or the archer?

SEIKIUS

The sun is the archer.

ACKRAK

Oh.

 

Episode 4

Link: mp080301

 

ANONYMOUS

Foo Foo Gods? Are you a Foo Foo God?

If someone asks you if you're a Foo Foo God, you say YES!

(Reference to Ghostbusters.)

 

Kraken'laken.

 

I Shenlong time?

 

In the name of the monk, I will punish you!

(Reference to Sailor Moon.)

 

Aren't you a little short for a sahaugin?

(Reference to A New Hope.)

 

ACKRAK

We don't have anyone to give a ship to. I don't give a ship!

 

DON

Do these pirates follow the code? What if I said parlay?

NICK

They'd yell back that French hasn't been invented yet!

(Reference to Curse of the Black Pearl.)

 

NICK

Ackrak gains the half-gazebo template.

(Reference to Eric and the Gazebo.)

 

...Brian is eaten by a lump of coal.

 

NICK, to Brian

The dead crab comes back to life and bites your face off. Your Charisma is permanently reduced by 1. Consider yourself "blue-bolted."

 

Episode 5

Link: mp080308

 

ANONYMOUS

In the end, there can be only crab?

(Reference to Highlander.)

 

Magic Circle Against Mormons.

 

You could say: "Don is well-suited to saving."

 

DON

Take Ranger 4 and call me in the morning. (For animal companion.)

 

DON

Does the crab bag float? Can I use it for a boat? If so, I'm going to tie it to the ship.

It's now 1 CLB, "1 Crab Life Boat."

NICK

We can call it the Ackrakian Calendar.

 

JACK

Everyone's invisible now, except the monk ... he's the last monk standing.

 

BRIAN

It's not my fault if my students don't survive my training.

NICK

The monk has a harsh training regiment.

 

NICK

Don't kill clerics in anger.

 

You guys meet a friendly predator. He makes a masterwork crab shield for you.

(Reference to Alien vs. Predator.)

 

The predator shakes his head and seems unimpressed with the dance. He walks back up the stairs and leaves, but you have the feeling you may see him again, one day.

(Reference to Alien vs. Predator.)

 

It's still too early to tell... it's cloudy with a chance of monsters.

 

Akrak prevents the poison from getting worse ... but he's still hungry.

(Reference to Chrono Trigger.)

 

Episode 6

Link: mp080315

 

GHAMOR

I have a 10-foot reach ... IN MY PANTS!

 

Shoot! Then ask questions!

 

OCCELA

Perhaps you should save the poison for the opportune moment...

ACKRAK

What are you, the DM?

(Reference to Curse of the Black Pearl.)

 

(Regarding Cessar's comment to Seikius.)

GHAMOR, to Seikius

He's trying to say your bow is weak, but politely.

ACKRAK, to Seikius

Lamerz.

NICK, to Seikius

I think you're going to need a bigger bow.

(Reference to Jaws.)

 

NICK

Three frogs enter, Akrak leaves.

(Reference to Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.)

 

"We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!"

(Quote from Ghostbusters.)

 

He is a tank made out of AC. No guns, no weapons, and no hit points. Just Armor Class.

(Regarding the monk.)

 

Episode 8

Link: mp080419

 

ACKRAK

Gycco saved my axe.

 

Episode 11

Link: mp080524

 

DON

We've done so much and we don't even have any gold.

NICK

At least you've got your lives!

JACK

Meh.

 

NICK, to Brian

If you call your penis a holy artifact again, I swear...

 

NICK

If you can't take the heat, stop shagging the balrog.

(Reference to Diablo.)

 

Put your Spellcraft where I can see it!

 

You can have my Spellcraft when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

(Reference to Men in Black.)

 

36 damage from LAME STRIKE!

(Regarding the boss monster's repeated use of the flame strike spell.)

 

Episode 12

Link: mp080531

 

NICK

Gnomes are bad, bad men.

 

NICK

So, are you going to sneak over to the ship, or is the rogue?

BRIAN

I was thinking both of us since I'll need her for locks.

NICK

I knew you were only into the rogue for her locks.

 

NICK

Don, do you want to intimidate a couple of air mephits into powering the ship's sails?

ACKRAK

I'm intimidating EVERYONE!

 

Episode 13

Link: mp080607

 

ANONYMOUS

Uncle Ackrak wants YOU to join the navy.

 

Kobold Academy.

 

ACKRAK

Surrender or be destroyed!

 

I am the scourge of this sea!

(Sash flares up and makes Ackrak look huge, like a balor.)

 

JACK

I'm going to teach them to shit. I mean fish.

NICK

I think they already knew how to shit, Jack, they were doing it during the battle.

DON

All over the deck.

NICK

Do you have any idea how hard it is to get kobold shit stains out of the wood?

 

JACK

Do the kobolds have porn?

NICK

No.

JACK

Then I give them bugbear porn.

NICK

The kobolds don't get pornography. They're always naked.

 

NICK

The kobold jumps up and down waving his hands shouting "parley!"

DON

French hasn't been invented yet!

(Back-reference to Ep. 4; Reference to Curse of the Black Pearl.)

 

NICK

I will give you guys the tarrasque on a platter. When you hit that level, it will wake up hungry ... and you guys will eat it.

 

Do the kobolds have two sexes, like we do?

(Reference to Mars Attack!)

 

There is no Dana, only Zooh.

(Reference to Ghostbusters.)

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